The Birth Story of Alexander Jude




Pregnancy:




I have always believed that some women can safely birth unassisted. I wanted to try it with my first birth (1998) but finally decided on having a lay midwife attend our home birth. She promised not to interfere in any way at our birth. She respected my wishes to not have any prenatal checks, exams, or tests done. I liked her so much and have since became great friends with her and invited her back to my second birth. (1999) But I always said if I were to give birth a third time it would be alone, with just Jason.


Rebecca's Homebirth: http://lifes-gifts.livejournal.com/32626.html
Jarod's Homebirth: http://lifes-gifts.livejournal.com/32933.html
As a certified birth doula (childbirth assistant) I’ve been researching birth for five years. Most of my findings point toward the fact that most births do not have to be intervened with, do not have to be long and do not have to have complications. Birth is not a disease and should not be treated as such. Most women don’t know anyone that gave birth naturally. They find it hard to believe that birth can be a joyous, fulfilling, and sensual event. Helping women to achieve positive births experiences has been my work for years, now it was my turn.


When I found out I was pregnant for the third time (2005) I was very excited. My first two births were amazing but now was my chance to give birth like I had always wanted, unassisted, totally trusting in my body’s ability to open up and give birth. I was ready to welcome my baby into the world in a totally peaceful way. I wanted to greet our new little one with only the warmth of our loving hands and the quiet of our voices.

I have nothing against my midwife friend. She is a truly amazing person and a gifted midwife. I have attended many births with her and I love her to death. At my own two births she sat off to the side and left us alone, just like I asked. But I wanted this birth to be uninterrupted. I didn’t want to worry about calling her and having her arrive in time. I didn’t want to be in the middle of labor, totally relaxed and concentrated but be interrupted by knocking on the door. I had also grown and matured over the years since my last birth. I no longer needed help and reassurance. I was more confident in my body’s ability, more aware of how life was so simple and better left to flow unaided, more trusting of nature, and able to let go and let my natural instinct take over. This life inside of me was our own creation, if I believed in myself than I had nothing to fear. My body was designed with everything it needed to give birth, it needs no outside help.


I wanted the birth to be an intimate event. I wanted this birth to be a natural life-positive event, fully shared with the one that I loved the most, my husband, who is so intimately linked with me like no one else, can ever be. I was very much in tune with the rhythms of my body and my feelings of all kinds, and knowing that all would be well, I had complete trust and faith that the birth would be a very rewarding experience for us.




After the first trimester, my pregnancy was wonderful. I felt great and my belly grew at an amazing speed. I delighted in my massive belly and took lots of pregnancy photos. Jason did a belly cast around my 35th week and my friend, Kim, did a photo shoot with me around 36 weeks, both of which I will treasure forever.


Go here to see the belly cast: http://lifes-gifts.livejournal.com/5884.html


Go here to see pregnancy photos: http://lifes-gifts.livejournal.com/6094.html


I visited with my midwife a few times and enjoyed talking about my pregnancy with her. She had lots of valuable advice that I greatly appreciated. I knew that if I decided that I wanted a female presence at the birth that I would be comfortable having her attend.


Our children, Rebecca age 8 and Jarod age 6, were very excited about the birth and couldn’t wait. They did debate a lot about the gender of the baby, Jarod desperately wanting a boy and Rebecca hoping for a girl. Rebecca, an avid reader, read every one of my pregnancy books and made sure I was doing things properly. She encouraged me to walk everyday, drink lots of water and sing to the baby. She was also excited because she was learning to use our digital camera and wanted to act as photographer after the birth.
Every night Jarod would kiss my belly goodnight and say “Goodnight baby, I know that you are a boy and I’ll see you soon.” He would correct anyone who referred to the baby as a “she”, telling them that it was a boy.


The main thing I wanted to do different with this birth was about the pushing. I pushed for three hours with Rebecca and two with Jarod, not something that I think should be normal and not something that I enjoyed during my pervious births. I wanted to relax and let my body continue to take over during the decent. I felt that my uterus could handle the pushing just fine on its own. After all, the uterus is one of the strongest muscle in a woman’s body. I prepared myself to just relax and let the baby come down on its own, with just the gentle surges of my uterus guiding it along.


I prepared for the birth by doing a lot of reading. I poured over unassisted childbirth articles and stories on the internet. My favorite websites were: http://www.unhinderedliving.com/childbirth.html and http://www.unassistedchildbirth.com/.


Reading birth stories of hundreds of other American women who had given birth unassisted was a great encouragement to me. I was also able to order many books from our local library’s Interlibrary Loan Program, which was a wonderful blessing. Some books I enjoyed were:


The Power of Pleasurable Childbirth by Laurie Morgan (My all time favorite!),
Unassisted Childbirth by Laura Shanley,
Heart and Hands by Elizabeth Davis,
Gentle Birth Choices by Barbara Harper,
Birthing from Within by Pam England,
Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth by Ina May Gaskin,
Childbirth Without Fear by Dr. Grantly Dick-Read,
Spiritual Midwifery by Ina May Gaskin,
The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth by Henci Goer,
Birth Without Violence by Dr. Frederick Leboyer,
Unassisted Homebirth: An Act of Love by Lyn M. Griesemer,
and Special Delivery: the Complete Guide to Informed Birth by Rahima Baldwin.


The children were also well prepared for the birth, and couldn’t wait to meet the baby. They knew that they would have to be very quiet in the moments after the birth because we wanted the baby’s transition to be gentle. We didn’t want bright lights, loud sounds, or anything done to the baby after its birth; nothing shoved down its throat, no cutting of the cord until it was done pulsating, no hanging it upside down or forcing it to cry. The baby would be welcomed into this world with just the quiet presence of its family and the warmth of its mother’s skin.


My technical “due date” was May 3rd but, of course, I don’t like the concept of dues dates and wasn’t worried in the least that the baby’s arrival was "past due". My body knows when to birth, regardless of man made dates. I knew the baby would be born when it was ready.


To help Rebecca and Jarod feel involved with the baby I told them they could plan a birthday party for the baby. They had a lot of fun picking out decorations and baking the cake, which we froze so that we would just have to pull it out when my labor started.


June 7th was our 9th wedding anniversary. Normally I fixed Jason and I a really nice dinner but this year I was just not up to it, my back had been hurting a bit all day. So Jason said he would make us some gumbo. I said, “Make it spicy so the baby will want to come out.” (And it was spicy!) We stayed up all night watching movies so it was 4 o’clock in the morning before I got to bed. I tossed and turned for an hour and than got up at 5 because I was having contractions. They were not real strong but I knew they were not just Braxton Hicks. I was able to go about my day normally, I just had to stop and relax during the contractions. They were about 6 minutes apart. I did my normal day stuff until around noon, then I decided to get things ready for the birth. I still wasn’t sure if they would turn into true labor contractions but I wanted to be prepared since I felt it would be really fast once it did start. Jason and I spread a plastic tarp on the floor by our bed and covered it with a sheet. I put a little square stool we have on the floor and covered it with a blue pad. We put a CD of nature sounds on repeat in the player. We filled out crock-pot up with water and lavender oil and laid a pile of washrags next to it. We laid out towels and all our other birth supplies. Jason put the bath herbs on to simmer.
Jason fixed me lunch and after eating I sat down in the rocking chair…but not for long!


Birth:




Around 2:00pm I had a real contraction! It was followed three minutes later by another one. "I’m in labor Jason!" I was so excited that it was finally happening. They were coming really close together and I started to vocalize, a really deep “ohhhhhhh” sound. I moved around in different positions for a few minutes; birthball, squatting, rocking chair, but the only one I liked was on my hands and knees. I got on the bed on my hands and knees; Jason was by my side rubbing my back. I rocked and moaned and thought about the baby. I whispered to the baby, “I’m so ready to meet you little one, come on out.” I chanted that word, “out”, I focused on the word saying it over and over, “Out. Out, Out,” Big deep breathe, “Out, Out, Out”. Contractions were one right after another so I wanted to try the bathtub to see if they would ease up. I got in and the warm water felt really good. The contractions slowed down a little bit and I was able to relax and breathe through them for awhile. “Out, Out, Out little baby…time to come out.” Jason would pour water on my belly during a contraction; I concentrated on watching it run down my belly. “Down, Down, Down….down and out. Out, Out, Out”
I was so hungry so Jason fixed me a sandwich and orange juice. I ate in between the contractions. I laughed and talked with Jason. I was so excited!
Around 3:30pm or so I suddenly wanted out of the tub. “Out, Out, Out”, a big breathe and I jumped up, water splashing everywhere, and headed to the bedroom. Jason told the children it would be soon and that we would call them into the room when it was time. They were so good and patient, they played quietly in their rooms.


I got on the floor and sat on the stool. I leaned back and vocalized. Jason was sitting in front of me encouraging me to breathe. (I wanted to let my body push so breathing was important to show that I wasn’t straining.) Contractions were non-stop and I was having a little trouble staying on top of them. I got on my hands and knees and crawled around on the floor, rocking and gripping Jason’s legs while he told me I could do it, to just breathe. I thought about our baby and how my uterus was pushing it toward us right now. I felt a lot of pressure in my lower belly so Jason started handing me warm washrags. The heat felt so good. “Oh baby, are you coming? Are you here! Out, Out, Out”
Around 4:00pm:


Mary you are not breathing, just breathe.
"I can’t breathe! I’m going to try a push!"
Oh..ok. Push then.


I gave one tiny little push and my water broke, there wasn’t a lot just a small gush I reached up and about half an inch inside I could feel the head! I could feel the soft wrinkled scalp of the head! My baby’s head, my baby!


"Jason, I can feel the top of the head! The head is right there!"


I felt so emotional, I wasn’t on the ground anymore, I was flying…no floating, words can’t describe the ecstasy. My baby was here but we still had a bit more to do ….and then for the first time that day…..fear set in.


"Jason I’m scared", I whispered.
He got down on the floor, gathered me in his arms and said, Of course you aren’t, it’s all ok. The baby is coming. He had complete faith in me, and it passed to me. I relaxed.


All of a sudden I remembered, the baby was coming! I was so thrilled! It was really happening, our baby was almost here!


So much pressure, I could feel myself stretching. I could feel the top of the head and the thinness of my perineum and the sting of my clitoris.


Washrags!


Jason handed me two and I held one on the top of the baby’s head and one over my perineum. I breathed and panted and felt the head slowly easing out. I was still on my knees and wanted to lean over on my hands. I threw down the washrags and got in position. Jason got behind me. The head was out! Now for the shoulders which I intended to help with so they would not get stuck. One small push, out came a shoulder. Another small push, nothing. One medium push, out came the other shoulder. And then my body pushed the rest out into Jason’s hands. Jason softly whispered,He’s here Mary and he’s fine! as I immediately turned over and he handed our baby to me. I sat down on the stool and held him on my chest. Our baby! His eyes were open and he was looking around, making small gurgling noises. I looked at Jason and just grinned. We were one, the three of us, just like were we when he was conceived. It’s all the same. It’s the closest I’ve ever felt to anyone before. We had created this baby out of the purest of love and it felt so right to birth him in the same fashion. I’ll remember that moment forever, that space in time, when everything stood still as I gazed into my newborns eyes.


Jason called out to the children and they ran into the room. They stopped and stared at the newest family member. Rebecca was ready to help, she handed me a towel to cover the baby with and grabbed the camera. Jarod whispered a question about the gender. I looked and told everyone that it was a boy. Jarod smiled and said, “I have a brother!” Rebecca frowned for one second and then forgot to be upset anymore, he was too cute to resist. We told them his name was Alex. I started to have another contractions and half stood up so the placenta could slid out. ‘Is another baby coming out!” Rebecca asked. I laughed and told her it was just the placenta.


For an hour we bonded on our bedroom floor as a family. Alex latched on right away and nursed the whole time while Jason and the kids sat next to us. Then Jason helped Rebecca cut the cord and got the herbal bath ready. I handed Alex to Jason and we all went to the bathroom. I sat in the tub and Jason gave me Alex. He loved the water! Everyone watched as he explored his new freedom. Rebecca took photos and then she and Jarod went to get the party ready. Jason went to clean up the bedroom. Alex and I sat in the water and talked.


Jason came back and took Alex to dry him off and dress him in the soft clothes I had ready. (cloth diaper, hat, socks, and a soft blanket.) I got out and got dressed too. I felt great, totally normal like any other day. When we were both dressed we went to Alex’s very first birthday party! He didn’t get any cake but he got lots of love! Afterwards Alex and I crawled back into bed and snuggled and nursed. We took a few photos and then Jason made us all supper.


A perfect birth and exactly as I had imagined! I almost cry whenever I think about how wonderful it was.


A gentle birth for a gentle baby.




"There would be no war if every man received his son onto this planet in this way and had known his wife in this act of ecstasy."
-From Childbirth is Ecstasy, by Allen Cohen


Name: Alexander Jude
Time: 4:10pm
Weight: 9 lbs 9 oz
Length: 19 ½ inches
Head: 15 inches


Alex was born unassisted, naturally, fearlessly, without complications, without trauma, without technology or instruments, without drugs, without phones ringing, without machines beeping, without loud voices, without poking, without tubes, without needles, without annoying IV’s, without tangling cords, without uncomfortable monitors, without bright lights, without painful examinations, he was born by his parent’s own power, into his parent’s trusting hands, in utter peace, by dim lighting, in his own home, surrounded by soft music, love, safety and warmth, as a testament to the complete rightness of birth in its purest form.


Photos: